I'll Be
by LittleWing
Summary: 17 yr old Katie Night feels lost and broken after a horrific night at the senior prom. Wondering how she'll cope and go on, she finds a confidant in her brother's best friend James Diamond. Warning: contains mentions of rape (nothing graphic), raw emotions, mentions of eating disorders, body image issues, hence the high rating.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I have NOTHING to do with BTR.

A/N: All righty, so here is what I'm doing to National Novel Writing Month. I doubt that I'll hit 50,000 words by the end of the month. I just do not have the time to devote. But we'll see how many words I get to by the end of the month. I will try to have daily updates or at least every couple of days. Warning this will contain rate themes, but I won't get graphic. I'll save that for editing and posting to my LJ. Also this will be unedited when I post, so sorry for grammar errors in advance. Big Time Movie Alternative will be finished before the end of the year, I promise. When this month ends this will take a backseat to that.

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Seventeen year old Katie Knight stood before the full length mirror affixed to the back of her bedroom door. Blue sequins and beads sparkled in the light of her bedroom as she stared into the mirror. She liked the way the blue tones in the dress complimented her the pale tones of her skin. Sighing she glared at the flaws the mirror showed.

The dress was a popular cut of a sweetheart neckline designed to accentuate the bust, not that she had one. At seventeen she was still barely in an A cup and was still small enough around that she had shop in the preteen section of the store. It curved in at the waist to pull the eyes to an hour glass shape that she just didn't have. Her torso, though long, was always rectangular shaped. Every one of her female friends and classmates had some sort of shape to their body, but her body stayed the same boyish rectangle it had always been.

The skit puffed out with black crinoline ending just below the knee, drawing attention to her legs. Legs that had very little muscle tone and even less fat. Jeans were her choice of wear because they hid her stick like legs. Staring at her near skeletal legs, Katie couldn't figure out why some girls wanted legs like these. No guy in school had ever bothered her for dates because of how thin her legs were.

In fact it had shocked her when Colin Nolan, popular basketball star, had asked her to senior prom though she was only a junior. Colin had his choice of beautiful girls. He could have asked any female athlete at the school, yet he chose her. She couldn't even begin to understand why. All she saw when she looked in the mirror was a boyish, preteen. Comparing herself to all the other girls at school was useless. Physically she came up lacking. Mentally she was above a food percent of them.

Closing her eyes, Katie shut out the girl staring back at her from the mirror and turned around. She quickly unzipped the dress and carefully slipped it from her slim frame. Laying it carefully on her bed, she stared at the beautiful of the blue sating, sequins and beads. It seemed too beautiful a gown for her lanky body.

For the last couple of years her older brother, Kendall and his three best friends, had tried to tell her how external beauty didn't matter as much as internal beauty, but after seeing the beautiful dress on her barely stick figured frame she found it difficult to believe them. She knew that Kendall, Carlos, Logan and James were just trying to bolster her self-esteem, and for that she loved them. But in the quiet of her room on what were date nights for the rest of her friends, Katie felt the chinks in her esteem develop and deepen.

Though they tried there was no way her brothers, whom everyone loved and though were dreamy, could even begin to understand what it was like to be an overly thin girl in a world where curves were both loved and hated. Curves were awesome in the hip and bust, but not the arms, stomach, thighs. She'd been waiting since puberty for those curves to develop. They never did. Her body had not changed much since she was eleven. Sure she got taller, but that was the extent of her changes.

She'd heard the whispers round the school of anorexia and bulimia as to how she was so thin, she'd long stopped trying to correct them. No on listened to the truth. She ate what everyone else did. She was active, but not overly so. She just didn't gain like some. She was sure that several of the overweight kids hated how thin she was. Sometimes she wished she could share her metabolism with them—then maybe she'd gain some weight and possibly some girlier curves.

Colin again popped to mind. She wanted to ask why he'd asked her to prom, but managed to chicken out each time. It was strange for her not to speak her mind. It was one thing that had rubbed off on her from Kendall. He always spoke his mind, even when it got him into trouble. She guessed that in part she was afraid of the ONLY boy to show any interest in her would leave and she'd never get another chance at having a high school boyfriend.

She scoffed at herself for the overly teenage girl thoughts of needing a boy. She didn't need one. But the lack of need didn't stop the desire or the oppressive loneliness from creeping in when more than half her friends couldn't hang because they were going out on dates, while the other half were diving into alcoholic parties in hopes of at least having sex before the end of the school year. She didn't want sex, or at least meaningless sex. She just wanted someone to bring the special she knew she was out for the world to see.

She was a tough girl, she knew that. But even tough people had weak moments. And her weak moments were beginning to happen every weekend. Now with the school year ending and Colin, the popular senior, semi dating her, she felt as though she could get through those weak moments. She didn't really need him by her side, but it was nice to feel attractive. Her brothers had always told her that no matter what she thought there was someone, or several, who would see her and the beauty she was.

Sighing again, Katie headed for the bathroom to get in a quick shower before getting her hair done. Part of her was excited to be going to the prom, and part of her was dreading it. She was excited because it would be the only time she's be going to prom. She doubted that anything would change with her just because she was a senior. And dreading the biggest dance of the school year because of all the staring eyes.

BTTBTRBTRBTRBTRBTR

Three hours later Katie was exactly where she wanted and didn't want to be: Prom. Colin held her arm through his as he escorted her through the doors of the hotel to the ballroom where loud music spilled into the hall. A few couples were a head of them getting photos taken or turning in tickets before entering the ballroom. Colin pulled her over toward the photographer. Three couples later and they were before the camera, smiling as though they were about the have the time of their lives. Katie was really hoping to not have a Carrie style evening. Once the picture was snapped, the headed for the table where Colin turned in the tickets and then through the open doors to the ballroom.

Balloons, streamers, and fancy lights decorated nearly every inch of the room. Music she would never have bothered listening to filled the room. The dance floor was beyond packed with kids gyrating as though one large body to the overly loud music. Colin pulled her to join in with the mass. His hands settled in her slim hips as he pulled her into his body and began what popular culture called dancing.

Two hours into the dance and Katie was beyond ready to leave. The music had gotten worse as the night wore on, causing her head to pound. The punch Colin kept handing her was not helping in the least. If anything it seemed to be making her feel worse. She watched as he ground his hips into some other girl on the dance floor. She wanted to smile, but the site of the girls rounded ass grinding against Colin's groin made her want to puke. It was a body she would never have grinding up against the guy she never thought she'd be on any kind of date with.

The song ended and Colin hastily left the girl to grin against another dance.

"You look terrible," he said, taking the chair next to Katie. "I have a room here in case we stayed late and didn't want to go home, you want to go lay down?"

"That would be great," Katie said in a breathless gasp. Placing her hands on the table, Katie tried to push herself to standing, but failed as her head spun and her arms gave way beneath her.

Warm hands and strong arms were suddenly on her. Colin's breath was hot on her neck as he grabbed hold of the falling teen. He whispered something she shouldn't understand as he helped her to walk firm the ballroom. Together they made their way to the elevators. He pressed the button for up, easily supporting Katie's weight.

With a ding the doors opened, and the teens stepped in. The ride to the floor Colin had selected was silent. Katie was hoping that she'd keep the contents of her stomach in her stomach and not hurl them all over the floor of the elevator. The elevator dinged again, signaling their arrival to the selected floor. Colin helped Katie down the hall a few doors before stopping. Propping the dazed Katie against the wall, the boy retrieved the key card, slid it in the door lock to open the room.

He carefully grabbed hold of the ill girl and helped her inside.

"Bathroom," she said barely above a whisper. "Now."

Colin swept the younger teen off her feet and moved quickly to the bathroom. Depositing in her to the floor in front of the toilet just before she spewed the contents of her stomach into the porcelain bowl of the toilet.

Five minutes later Katie laid her check against the cool tile of the floor and revealed in the contrast to the heated skin of her face. She just wanted to curl up and sleep. A figure stepped into the bathroom, followed by another. Katie's brown eyes stared up at the boy who'd brought her as his dater and another she didn't recognize.

Silently the boys reached for her weakened body. They carefully pulled her from the floor of the bathroom to the main room where they placed her on the bed. Colin smiled coyly as he reached for the zipper on the side of her dress. Katie weakly pushed his hands away and attempted to scoot away. Her legs refused to listen to her commands and floundered against the mattress.

"She's a fighter still," the other boy said, taking her shoes from her feet, hands trailing their way up her legs to her thighs.

"Colin, what's going on? Stop," she said, again batting weakly at his hands tugging her dress from her body.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Do not own BTR, nor have I ever had anything to do with them as a band or the show.

A/N: So this is what I wrote at the write in today. Not entirely happy with the flow of this and there WILL be massive editing going on at some point next year. Today is the last day of NaNoWriMo, and due to college I have failed at meeting the 50,000 word goal. But happy to have posted something for this year. I will be working on this for the remainder of the year and until it is finished. Going to put this on hold for about a week while I finish up Big Time Movie Alternative and then this one gets full attention. By the by this is going to be AU because I hope to one day publish this.

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Katie shivered herself awake. Her eyes felt dry and glued shut. Pain, dull and sharp, radiated from every muscle and cell of her small body. The feeling of cold followed closely behind the pain. Peeling open her brown eyes, Katie took stock of the room. Her assailants were gone. She sighed heavily, and pulled the duvet cover over herself. Forcing her body to move, Katie pushed herself from the bed in search of her purse containing her cell phone.

Less than five minutes later she had her mobile in hand. Clicking the on button she scrolled through her contacts list. Carlos' name popped up first. She couldn't call him. James' number was just below Carlos', with her brother below him. Deciding that James was safer to call than Kendall, Katie tapped his name. Within seconds the phone connected and James' cell began ringing.

"Hello," came his sleep heavy voice.

"James," Katie said, hoarsely. "I need your help."

"What happened?" he asked, concern and anger lacing his now very alert voice.

"My date. He…he…"

"Did he hurt you?" With a choked sob, Katie nodded. Remembering she was on the phone and James couldn't see the action she opened her mouth to speak when James amazingly spoke. "Where are you?"

"I don't know the room number. I wasn't feeling well. I was so dizzy…"

"What hotel are you at?"

"The Holiday Inn downtown," she said.

"I'll meet you in the lobby in half an hour," he said, sounding as though he were about the hang up.

"James?" she said, her voice shaking slightly.

"Yeah, Katie?"

"Could you please bring me something to wear? I don't want to see that damn dress ever again."

"Yeah sure. Do you want me to call you when I get there?"

"No, I don't want to stay in this room a minute longer. I'll be in the lobby…or the ladies room."

"I'll see you in 30 minutes, Katie. Call me if you need me before I get there. Even if it's just to hear my voice, all right?" Again the teen was at a loss for words, opting for another small sob and nodding her head. "See you soon." James said hanging up.

Securing the duvet cover more securely over her body, Katie grabbed the clutch purse she'd brought and made her way to the room's door. Walking nervously down the hall of doors, afraid her date or the boy he'd brought with him would pop out one of the doors, Katie prayed they wouldn't as she followed the signs for the elevators. Relieved when she found the small bank of elevators, and no one had popped out of room threatening to assault her again, Katie eagerly punched the down arrow with her finger.

She was relieve to discover that the car was empty. Stepping into the overly bright elevator car, Katie pushed the button for the lobby. With a ding the car stopped at the lobby. Relief and disappointment echoed through her as the ride had been short and lacked people getting on or off the elevator. Steeling herself for the business of the lobby, Katie took a breath and waited for the door to open. A small whoosh and the doors opened to reveal a lightly busy lobby. She once again sighed.

Stepping from the car to the lobby, Katie headed for a corner where she could easily watch the door for James and keep her back to the wall in case someone wanted to sneak up on her to drag her off somewhere. As she waited a fear of what would be thought of her crept over her. Her brother would be angry. He'd rampage until he knew who had done this to his baby sister. And then he'd end up in jail for murder, assault or who knows what. Her mother would never be able to look at her the same…ever. She'd forever be tainted by what had happened.

She didn't even want to think about how James, Logan or Carlos would think of or treat her. It was enough that this was going to change her and James through the simple act of asking for help she didn't want to change the rest of her family as well. It wasn't fair to them. She had to keep this between her and James.

So deep in thought she was that Katie nearly missed James entering the hotel. Moving as quickly as she could between the duvet cover wrapped round her and the stiff pain holding fast to her muscles, Katie headed for the panicked looking brunet. Wordlessly he wrapped his arms around her slim frame in a tight hug. She tensed slightly before melting into his hold. He pulled away from the hug after a moment, wanting nothing more than taking her away or rewind time and taken her to the prom himself.

"Let's get you changed," he said leading her to a family restroom across the lobby. Once inside he locked the door, dropped a duffle at her feet and turned to face the door, careful to make sure he couldn't see the mirrors or anything reflective.

"Thank you," she said, tugging open the duffle and pulling out the first article on the top. Careful to not lose the duvet, Katie slid the sweatpants up her legs. They were almost four sizes too big for her, but that was to be expected. She polled the drawstring as tight as she could and tied it, cinching the too large pants at the waist. Reaching into the duffle again, she pulled out a black V neck tee, which she gratefully slipped over her head. Once the shirt was securely over her head, duvet cover awkwardly filling James' tee, she tugged at the duvet cover and allowing it to fall to the floor.

"There's a hoodie in there too," James said, not turning round to look at her.

"Thank you," she said again, pulling the aforementioned hoodie from the duffle and slipping it on.

"Where do you want to go?" He asked turning around when she tapped him gently on the back. "You can come crash at my house, I'll give you my room. The door locks and there's an attached bath. I'll take the guest room. Or do you want to go home?"

"I…James, I don't want them to know. I want them all to think that prom was as magical for me as it was for them. I want to think that everything's all right. I want to be Katie. I don't want to be Katie the victim. It's bad enough that you know."

"All right," he said with a breath. "I'll keep your secret, but on the conditions that you find a support group or counselling of some kind. No hiding there or with me, all right?"

"What's the other condition?"

"Self-defense classes designed for crime victims."

"Deal," she said.

"Good. I'll help how I can, when you need it. My place until you're ready to face everyone?"

Stepping to give the taller male a hug, Katie nodded her head.

Fifteen minutes later Katie was standing in the steaming flow of water in James' shower. The muscles that had been stiff and sore melted under the heat of the water. Tears she's been holding in fell freely as she lathered up a plush wash cloth with some of James' precious Cuda shower gel. Scrubbing the feeling the hands that had smacked her, touched her and violated her Katie washed the evidence of rape from her body. If only the memories washed off as easily, she thought watching the soap and dried blood wash down the drain.

Feeling the water run cold, Katie turned off the stream of water and carefully stepped from the shower. Using another plush towel she dried herself off before pulling on a robe James had pulled out for her. Walking into the main room she found a pair of yoga pants, a tank to and one of James' shirts folded at the foot of the bed. A note sitting atop the pile.

Katie,

Thought you'd want something comfortable and familiar,

so I brought you something from home. Feel free to wear

the shirt I left you or don't your choice.

I had to head in to the studio for a couple hours, I'll be home

soon. Take a nap, rummage in the fridge or order a pizza

(there's a twenty on the dresser).

~James

Smiling Katie slipped into the clothes James had left her. Despite wanting to lay down on the large, comfortable looking bed, Katie opted for ordering a pizza and half-heartedly surfing through James' movie channels for something to watch and/or listen to.


End file.
